Staying Late at the Office

In light of the late-night king's big annoucement last night, we present: "The Top Ten Things We'd Like to Say to David Letterman"

Number 10: Too bad Hugh Grant doesn’t have a show. He could have had you on to apologize to America.

Number 9: For those of us who haven’t given you your wedding gift yet, is it OK if we take it back?

Number 8: Who takes checks anymore? Hasn’t your extortionist ever heard of a Swiss bank account?

Number 7: We know you love cigars. Please say you did not follow in the footsteps of a certain ex-president and his antics with said tobacco product.

Number 6: Yes, siree. The Palins are feeling mighty smug right about now. You betcha.

Number 5: You’ve given bold new hope to sixtysomething men across America.

Number 4: Was it love at Stupid Pet Trick?

Number 3: My, oh my. What will they think of this at the Home Office in Sioux City, Iowa?

Number 2: Next time, get Joaquin Phoenix to help you break the news to your audience.

Number 1: Are you sure you weren’t just hiking on the Appalachian Trail?

The Lads from Dublin Hit Fordham

Bono, The Edge, Larry Mullen, Jr., and Adam Clayton capped their week of performances on David Letterman with a surprise Friday appearance today on the campus of Fordham University, in the Bronx. News of the visit was so highly guarded that not even the school's newspaper, The Ram, was able to confirm the appearance before its press time. The early a.m. concert, aired on ABC's Good Morning America, took place on the steps of Keating Hall, a hallowed place on campus known as the Terrace of the Presidents. Performing from their just-released album, No Line on the Horizon, the rock world's most enduring and relevant band performed tracks "Magnificent," "Crazy Tonight" and lead single "Get on Your Boots," in addition to perennial crowd-pleasers "Vertigo" and "Beautiful Day." "It’s great to be here in the Bronx among our peers," yelled The Edge to the receptive crowd. "We may not be the same age, but we’re the same age group." To which one Jesuit-educated undergraduate yelled back: "What age group is that? Eighteen to fifty?" Fortunately, his clever comment was never heard by the Irishmen, lost as it was in a sea of cheering.